This is an FAQ.
In case you didn’t know, “FAQ” stands for “Frequently Asked Questions”, not “Flying Aquatic Q-tips”. Since it stands for “Frequently Asked Questions”, that means we should probably list some frequently asked questions. Problem is, nobody’s asked us any questions. That leaves us with two options:
a) End the FAQ and just leave it at this
b) Make up some questions
Now, you’ve probably noticed that there are questions below this, so you can tell we went with option b. Here are some questions! As a bonus, we also included answers. The questioner person has “Q” in front of each question, and the answerer guy has “A” in front of each answer.
Q: What is the point of human existence?
A: Nobody understands these things better than Bill Watterson, the creator of “Calvin and Hobbes”, the greatest comic strip of all time. So I will give the answer Hobbes gives when Calvin asks that question: “We’re here to devour each other alive.”
Q: What is time?
A: That’s easy! It’s… it’s… it’s… Ok, I have no idea what time is.
Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.
Q: Are these questions supposed to be about this webcomic, or about anything in general?
A: Oh right, I forgot. The questions are supposed to be about the webcomic. From now on, ask webcomic-related questions
Q: Ok. So why is it called “Jamie Teleportation”?
A: The “Jamie” part is because the cartoonist’s name is Jamie. No idea about the “Teleportation” part, though.
Q: Who is the main character?
A: The main character is Alex, the boy in the striped red shirt with light skin and messy brown hair. But he isn’t the only driving force of action in the comic; the other characters get their time to shine, too.
Q: What can I do with these comics?
A: You are free to share these comics with others, as long as you attribute it to jamieteleportation.com. But you are NOT free to sell them (the comics, I mean, not the people. I mean, you can’t sell the people. Definitely don’t sell people. But don’t sell the comics either).
Q: When do you publish new comics? Is there any schedule?
A: Our schedule runs on Narnian time. We publish a new comic every Narnian day.
Q: Where do you stand as far as licensing and marketing goes?
A: On the Calvin and Hobbes/Garfield scale, we’re definitely closer to the Calvin and Hobbes side. We don’t want marketability to compromise the integrity of the stories we want to tell.
Q: Where are you on the political spectrum?
A: Are you trying to get me cancelled?
Q: Yes.
A: That isn’t a question.
Q: Was that an answer?
A: No. And “was that an answer?” is a question and “no” is an answer, so we succeeded this time!
Q: How do I end an FAQ?
A: I have no idea!
Q: So this FAQ is destined to last forever?
A: That isn’t a question.
Q: What I meant to say was, “Does that mean that this FAQ is destined to last forever?”
A: That also isn’t a question; it’s just a statement of what you meant to say.
Q: You know what I mean.
A: Still not a question.
Q: AAAAARGH! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU DEMONIC ANSWERER-PERSON!
A: Ok, ok. The problem is, whatever you say starts with “Q:”, indicating that it is a question. And anything that I say starts with “A:”, indicating that it is the answer to your question. So I TECHNICALLY have to answer whatever you say, meaning that whenever you TECHNICALLY say something that TECHNICALLY isn’t a question, I TECHNICALLY can’t answer it.
Q: So what you’re TECHNICALLY saying is that you’re using technicalities as an excuse to mess with me forever.
A: That isn’t a question.
Q:
A: Wow. Did you actually just implode?
Imploded Q: Yes.
A: Huh, I just asked a question and you just answered it! Our roles just totally reversed!
Imploded Q: Is there any way I could un-reverse our roles, just to mess with you for a change?
A: No, because…Oh, I see what you did there. Clever.
Imploded Q: Huh, it’s FUN to mess with people! I should do it more often!
A: Uh-oh.
Imploded Q: Yes, uh-oh! I can annoy you now! I have actual power over you! This is cathartic!
A: No it isn’t.
Imploded Q: Yes it is! It is very cathartic.
A: That’s not a question! Those last three things you said weren’t questions!
Imploded Q: True, but I don’t care anymore.
A: How long are you going to keep this up?
Imploded Q: That’s for me to know and you to find out!
A: This FAQ is over.
Imploded Q: I don’t think so! As long as I keep asking questions-
A: This FAQ is OVER!
Imploded Q: Nyah nyah nyah-nyah nyah! I’m still talking!
A (frantically running towards someone): PLEASE! END THE FAQ!!! I DON’T LIKE SADISTIC IMPLODED PEOPLE…
Imploded Q: You’re just in the pocket of “big implosion”!
A: AAAAAGGGHHHH!!! END THE FAQQQQQQQ!!!!!
Imploded Q: Haha, NOPE! I can just keep asking questions! As long as-
(FAQ ends)
Well, that concludes this FAQ! We hope it questioned any answers you might have. Anyway, that’s it! Bye.