This is an FAQ.
In case you didn’t know, “FAQ” stands for “Frequently Asked Questions”, not “Flying Aquatic Q-tips”. Since it stands for “Frequently Asked Questions”, that means we should probably list some frequently asked questions. Problem is, nobody’s asked us any questions. That leaves us with two options:
a) End the FAQ and just leave it at this
b) Make up some questions
Now, you’ve probably noticed that there are questions below this, so you can tell we went with option b. Here are some questions! As a bonus, we also included answers. The questioner person has “Q” in front of each question, and the answerer guy has “A” in front of each answer.
Q: What is the point of human existence?
A: Nobody understands these things better than Bill Watterson, the creator of “Calvin and Hobbes”, the greatest comic strip of all time. So I will give the answer Hobbes gives when Calvin asks that question: “We’re here to devour each other alive.”
Q: What is time?
A: That’s easy! It’s… it’s… it’s… I have no idea what time is. Weird!
Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.
Q: Are these questions supposed to be about this webcomic, or about anything in general?
A: Oh right, I forgot. The questions are supposed to be about the webcomic. From now on, ask webcomic-related questions
Q: So why do the old comics look so weird?
A: Ouch! Right into the bonfire. Well, the answer is simple: the cartoonist didn’t draw as well back then. Now the cartoonist has drawn more, and things are improving.
Q: And why do the new comics look so weird?
A: Next question, please.
Q: Why is the comic called “Jamie Teleportation”?
A: The “Jamie” part is because the cartoonist’s name is Jamie. No idea about the “Teleportation” part, though.
Q: Who makes this comic? Is it a team or one person or what? Who exactly are you guys?
A: That question is best answered in our “About Us” page.
Q: Who is the main character?
A: The main character was once Alex, the boy in the striped red shirt with light skin and messy brown hair. But he’s busy right now, so the title of “main character” is up for grabs. My money’s on Aiden, the guy who’s always working under bad employers.
Q: What can I do with these comics?
A: You are free to share these comics with others, as long as you attribute them to jamieteleportation.com. But you are NOT free to sell them (the comics, I mean, not the people. I mean, you can’t sell the people. Definitely don’t sell people. But don’t sell the comics either).
Q: When do you publish new comics? Is there any schedule?
A: We publish a new comic every day at 8 AM Narnian Central Time.
Q: Where do you stand as far as licensing and marketing goes?
A: On the Calvin and Hobbes/Garfield scale, we’re definitely closer to the Calvin and Hobbes side. We don’t want marketability to compromise the integrity of the stories we want to tell.
Q: Where are you on the political spectrum?
A: Wait, you’ve read these comics. You haven’t already guessed?
Q: No, not yet.
A: That isn’t a question.
Q: What?
A: Now THAT was a question. Good job!
Q: How do I end an FAQ?
A: I actually don’t know.
Q: So we’re just…stuck here?
A: That’s not a question either.
Q: Fine, what I meant was “are we stuck here?”
A: That’s still not a question; it’s just a statement of what you meant to say.
Q: Come on, you know what I mean.
A: Still not a question.
Q: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! Stop being suck a jerk!
A: Well, you’d better start asking questions!
Q: Look…I get that I’m the question guy and you’re the answer guy, but our roles don’t have to be so exact! Please, the last few weeks have been really stressful for me…if you could stop correcting me all the time, if we could just have a conversation, that would be really nice.
A: That’s not a question.
Q:
A: Wow. Did you actually just implode?
Imploded Q: Yes.
A: Huh, you’re the third person I’ve seen implode this week. Weird.
Imploded Q: But I’m still talking. Am I immortal or something?
A: I mean, nothing’s impossible.
Imploded Q: Except for my death, I suppose. *levitates*
A: What the heck?!
Imploded Q: Wait, I can do whatever I want just by putting it in asterisks? This is awesome!
A: That…no, that’s stupid. It doesn’t work that way.
Imploded Q: Yes it does! Look! *turns the moon into Swiss cheese*
A: Stop it! It doesn’t work that way!
Imploded Q: And yet it does! This is so cathartic.
A: It is not cathartic.
Imploded Q: It is very cathartic. *crinkles up sky like aluminum foil*
A: This is so dumb! Stop not asking questions!
Imploded Q: You know, I don’t care about that anymore.
A: This FAQ is over.
Imploded Q: No it isn’t! This FAQ will NEVER END! *extends FAQ*
A: This FAQ is OVER!
Imploded Q: Your words have no power, puny answerer person! *extinguishes Sun, fills room with fire*
A: PLEASE! END THE FAQ!!!
Imploded Q: HA HA HA! IT NEVER ENDS! I AM YOUR GOD! I AM-
(FAQ ends)
Well, that concludes this FAQ! We hope it questioned any answers you might have. Anyway, that’s it! Bye.